Monday, January 9, 2012

January 9 - Where Do I Come From?

Another English Class creative non-fiction essay!  This one was finished at 7:30 today, so let's embrace the first piece of new writing that I've posted on this blog...

            “Mama, where do babies come from?”
            “Well shug, when two people love each other very much, they share a special hug - that’s called fucking – and if they do it right (or if they pay enough to an adoption agency or a fertility clinic that does artificial insemination), they have a baby.  A screaming, soulless, pooping machine called a baby.  Does that answer your question?”
            Laughing ensued.

            That is not a conversation I have ever had with my mother.  In fact, the “where do babies come from” talk was dealt with by my dad just about as awkwardly as Amanda Bynes’ father deals with it in Sidney White.  My dad is not a plumber, so I did not have the benefit of a 3D model made of sink fixtures.  Instead, I was given a few books with cartoons of smiling sperm and ended up figuring it out for myself.  No, the conversation above is the short, less profane version of my now famous “Mama Lauren Birds/Bees Talk” that I have jokingly given to my friends, more specifically, the group of my friends that calls me “Mama Lauren”.
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My childhood was full of fantastical creatures.  My childhood was full of epic battles between good and evil.  And my childhood was primarily spent alone.

My mother is the kind of woman who believed whole-heartedly that she was around for my childhood.  She was not.  Every other week she traveled from New York’s John F. Kennedy Airport to London’s Heathrow because she was the CEO of a multinational national corporation that placed nurses in the commonwealth countries.  She made sure you knew that.  The weeks she did not spend in London were indeed spent at home; but she was, and is, a woman very susceptible to jetlag, so she was usually asleep by 6 PM.  From the time of my very earliest memories, my dad was the parent who came to my school functions and to parent coffees.  And he was the one who told me stories.  Stories like “The Incredible Shrinking Meatloaf”.  At the time I thought it was just a hilarious recollection of his college years, but now I think there was, in fact, a moral to a story about the time my dad bought really cheap ground beef from the Winn-Dixie to make a meatloaf that ended up shrinking so much that it was left floating in a sea of fat in the pan.  The obvious moral is “don’t buy cheap ground beef”, but I think the real moral lies in the idea that, when everything seems to have gone to heck, there is always a plan B.  In my dad’s case, plan B was to order pizza. 

Aside from telling me stories, both of my parents used to read to me.  My favorite books were always the ones featuring kids and teens in danger using their ingenuity to save the day.  I especially loved the ones with knights and medieval codes of honor.  I liked the fact that the good guys got out ok because they could think their way out.  Even when swords were involved, they had to use their brain to come up with the right strategy.  These were the stories I acted out in my backyard substituting myself for the main character, of course, and retelling them so that my knowledge set would be the one that saved the day.  When my friend or the cute guy was in peril, I had just happened to hear of the lock picking technique that would set him or her free.  When a dragon was threatening my party, I was the one that had taken dragon tongue in school so I was the one that tamed the beast and made him our ally.  And when I fell off one of the rocks in my back yard and scraped my elbow, I was the one that knew which bottles in the medicine cabinet were disinfectants and which boxes were Band-Aids.  In every instance, the minute anything vaguely bad happened, I was on my own.  I had a nanny in the house if something really bad happened, but for the minor cuts and scrapes my answer to her was “I’ve got it!”  I took what my dad taught me and what I taught myself and used that knowledge to take care of things by myself.

I take this transcendentalist sense of Self-Reliance with me everywhere.  I have always been an independent child because of it.  The “Mama Lauren” business started because I started using my limited knowledge for other people.  When I went away to sleep away camp, it somehow became decided that I was the person in my bunk that would cook for the group because I figured out how to toast bagels in a saucepan while we were waiting for it to heat up to make bacon.  As it turned out, I made good bacon too.  If anyone in the bunk suffered a minor injury, they knew that I would not only have Band-Aids and antibiotic ointment but also be willing to fix them up.  If they found funky stains in their clothes, they knew I could get them out; or at the very least get them to fade enough that they would come out in the laundry.  These minor functions earned me the title of “Mama Lauren”.  Knowing how to deal with what I considered minor, everyday occurrences made me seem remarkable and, more importantly, motherly. 

I learned at a young age that I ought to be able to deal with things myself.  I danced through fantasy lands and through my own life with the knowledge to get myself out of little scrapes and fix those same little scrapes after the fact.  I learned from stories, both bound and spoken, and I put that knowledge to good use.  My backyard taught me how to tell a story. This skill I put to good use during the summer of 2010 when a number of my friends, myself included, were very sick.  They asked me to tell them a story, so I did.  Fixing myself up taught me to fix up others.  This skill I put to good use during a number of summers at Camp Wingate*Kirkland, where my friends first started calling me “Mama Lauren”. 

All of these skills seem to have culminated in the story I recounted above.  This past summer, “Mama Lauren” saw new life at a summer academic program at Cambridge.  My friends came to know me as “Mama Lauren” as I brought them soup when they were sick, as I helped them with their relationship problems, and as I hosted massive get-togethers in my room with plenty of everyone’s favorite foods to eat.  In my room some complained about their girlfriends back home, some confessed that they had never kissed a boy, and some joked about their adventures.  But the story above is still one of the ones retold in our on-line reminiscences.  The “Mama Lauren Birds/Bees Talk” is where I come from.  It was conceived of picture books of smiling sperm, it maturated in tandem to my story telling skills, and, finally, it was born in a crowded dorm room full of food and the smiling faces of friends who looked to me for comedy and comfort. 

I have never had the “Birds/Bees Talk” with my mother.  But I have had it with myself.  I taught myself everything I needed to know.  In the words of a dear friend as he sent me off on the bus leaving Cambridge: “I thought I was getting picked up by my mom later, but now I realize she was already here.” 

Crying ensued.

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