March 11 - Forces

Mama stands with her arms crossed over her stomach in the doorway.  Mandy carries some roots in the pockets of her overalls and some bark.  She’s clutching a twisted metal bar.  Mama falls.

Mama wasn’t Mama after she woke up.  Her skin stuck to her like the dirt stuck to Mandy.   It wasn’t hers but it wouldn’t let go.  It looked green at golden hour.  She looked like she was crying.  But Mama kept going.  Left hand over her stomach she would stir the pot over our old gas stove that kept working in spite of the Controls.  Mandy started praying to the roots she found.  Something about how if you didn’t cook them enough they’d kill your soul but leave you alive.  Which is worse than death.  Or something.  Mandy’s dramatic and I mostly don’t know what she’s talking about. 

“Ray.  What’d you think happened?”  Mandy looked up at me with a face already smeared with our red dirt 15 minutes after bathing.

“What happened to what?”

“Mama.  What’d you think happened?  She ain’t old.”

“Maybe the doctor gave her some bad news.  There’s always bad news from him.”

“No.  She didn’t go to the doctor we go to.”

“Of course she didn’t.  She’s too old now.”

“Not by much.”

“Mandy, there’s always bad news.  Some one gave her more.”

Mandy hopped up on the mud wall.  It was red like the ground, though probably not from the dirt.  But Mandy didn’t know that.  She got all quiet in a way that wasn’t like her.  Mandy’s quiet, but she’s never blank.  Mandy’s always thinking something.  I could tell she wasn’t now. 

“Maybe,” she said, “that man came back.”

“Couldn’t be.” Maybe she had been thinking. “He left.  He went beyond the wall.”

“No body can go beyond the wall.”

“He always said he had permits.”

“No body can get permits.  I asked around after he said so last time.”

“That was years ago.  He said that’s where he was going.  If he didn’t have permits, it’s even more like that it wasn’t him.”

“He’d have been shot.  That’s what you’re saying.”

“Yeah.  He’d have been shot.  Anyway he hasn’t gotten anywhere near Mama any time recently.  Don’t pay anyone any time that say otherwise.”

“You’re talking about Jimmy.”

“Exactly.  Jimmy likes to stir up trouble.  He’d say The Force was back if it weren’t true if it suited him.”

“I’m not talking about The Force.  I’m talking about that man that came here.”

“He was on The Force.  He wouldn’t come back if he wasn’t with them.”

“Maybe he broke off.”

“All the more like he’s been shot.”

“He hasn’t been shot.  Mama would be able to tell.”

“She’s 19.  She can’t tell nothing.”

“A 19 year old boy wouldn’t be able to tell nothing.  A girl could.”

Mandy kicked her heels against the mud wall.  Then she hopped over and started walking.

“Mandy! Come back!” I hollered.
“No.  You can’t tell nothing.  I can. I’m going to find that man and tell him he owes Mama.”

“You won’t come back.”

She spun around.  She had sweat on her face.  She shrugged.  She kept walking.